You may have guessed a little something about this entry from the title. Yes, it's going to be about anal sex. Now, we could fill many entries with information and discussions of anal sex, but for this one we will focus on one specific topic. We will be discussing anal desensitizers and how they (and pain) don't need to be a part of your rear end repertoire. If you are interested in trying anal play, merely curious, or actively partaking... the following is a must read. It is by no means groundbreaking information and many a sex expert has said this before us, but we thought we should add our voice to the mix. That is simply because this is an area we continually hear many questions (and mistakes) about.
Anyone who has tried anal play is no doubt familiar with the body's reactions to hasty anal penetration. Pain and discomfort are common experiences. Fear not! Sex product industry to the rescue! Many years ago products began hitting the market to "help" with those two conditions, claiming to ease and relax for greater pleasure. Fantastic, right!? Well, not exactly. Nearly all these products contain a common topical anesthetic that numb the nerves in the skin, in this case the nerves of the anus and anal canal. While this numbing may seem like a really helpful idea on the surface, it can actually detract from the enjoyment of anal play and even lead to bodily damage.
Fact: Anal sex does not need to hurt. We meet many customers who think that pain is just part of anal sex no matter what. We say unwanted pain has no place in any kind of sex. After all, we do it to have fun! Countless people enjoy anal play without pain or discomfort, and without any kind of anal desensitizer. The desensitizer numbs the very nerves that will give that pleasure, having the same effect as slathering the penis, clitoris, nipple, or any erogenous zone with anesthetic. A huge part of sex is the body's reaction to pleasurable stimulus, and no feeling means no stimulus. Why have sex without feeling, and thus, why have anal sex without it?
Not only is pleasure being numbed, but the pain is, too. This is the strongest reason to be careful, or not use, anal desenstizers. Pain is the body's natural reaction to real or potential harm, and a signal to do something to stop it. Pain and discomfort with anal sex is the body signalling it is worried about or is experiencing damage. If the nerves are numbed you will never know if damage is occurring. Anal tears or worse can make your day after (or longer) fairly miserable. Ironic, considering the product is meant to avoid pain and discomfort.
The pain-free solution: Lube, Relaxation, and Patience. All three of these must be present for a pleasurable anal sex encounter. A common misconception about the anal desensitizers is that they are also a lubricant. They are NOT. Another misconception (not helped by porn) is that the butt is primed and ready for penetration, no additives required. It is NOT. Lubricant, lots of it, is a must for anal. We tell our customers that once you think you have added enough, add more. You cannot over do it. The difference between too little and enough is extraordinary.
The next two ingredients for a pleasurable rear end escapade are equally important. Due to its physiological design, the anal opening isn't receptive to hasty and unwelcome visitors... but it is quite flexible and can be persuaded. The recipient must be relaxed and both parties must be patient and go about it slowly. A quote we read from an experienced anal sex participant couldn't be more appropriate here and states her partner must "romance her ass". So true. Expect a slower sexual encounter and one with active communication between partners. Do relaxing activities before hand, set expectations, and do plenty of foreplay leading up to the act. Progressive penetration can very much help those new to it, starting with smaller items and working your way up.
With the above three ingredients, you should be well on your way to enjoyable and comfortable anal sex without a desensitizer. With experience, anal play can become as regular an activity as you want it to be!
As with anything sexual, we absolutely understand every person's body and preferences are different. If you still have questions, please do not hesitate to ask us! It was what we are here for.
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