Admittedly, this entry isn't about a semi-erotic movie of the same name from 1989. It does deal with misinformation, false stereotypes, and outright fabrications that circulate around our industry. Some are simply urban legends and peer-to-peer myths spread by unknowing participants while swapping dirty jokes or innuendo, appearing smart or worldly at a party, or maliciously attacking another person. Sadly, many others come from right within the adult industry who, despite its moving toward the open light of mainstream consciousness, use our sexual insecurities and ignorance to sell a few more products. We're here today to help break some of the myths, correct the misinformation, and straighten out the crooked truths about some select topics we have encountered over the years. In no order of importance, or severity, here is a random selection of choice bits:
Does your vagina have that first time feeling? - While a woman's body does indeed undergo changes as it ages or has children, literal tightness of the vaginal canal (excluding some unique circumstances or pre-sexual maturity) is not one of them. The two areas that have significant impact on vaginal penetrative sensations are lubrication and pelvic region muscle tone. A dry vagina can mean painful intercourse, and poor muscle tone reduces sexual response. Both are easily remedied with lubricant and Kegel exercises. Vaginal "tightness" is a fallacy with no connection to pleasurable intercourse (for the woman OR the man). Tightening products (usually creams/lotions) ... they claim to temporarily "tighten" vaginal tissues to get that "first time" feeling back. They attempt to do that by using an astringent which constricts mucous membranes, so the result will be topical, short lived, AND dryness inducing. Lastly, few (if any) women we talk to actually enjoyed their first penetrative sex, and are not clamoring to get that experience back.
It's all about the giant penis! - We've said it before, we've blogged about it, we have told countless customers, and we will say it again.... penis size is not important! There are preferences and there are extreme cases, but a very large percent of women we know and have spoken to wholly support this. Repeat after us, "A huge penis does not a better lover make!" Period. End of argument. Forget about penis size and channel that energy into activities with real results, like oral sex or foreplay, or really communicating about makes each other get off.
The ancient art of Nuru massage - This is a recent activity and product pairing that is being foisted onto the adult market. For those of you wondering, Nuru massage is the act of the "masseuse" lubing up their entire naked body with "special" lube and proceeding to rub it all over their grateful massage recipient. Fun? Yes. Erotic. Probably. Ancient art? Umm, no. Get one at your local spa? Not going to happen. The word IS Japanese, but from what we can find only means "slippery". Massage is slippery? Who knew?!? Not surprisingly, we can't find any historical references or contemporary official descriptions. What we DO know is that our industry does like using Asian cultural references to give products more exotic sales appeal (Step 1: Make product, Step 2: Add "Chinese" to name). We also know that while populated with amazing people and cultures, Southeast Asian countries do not possess any mysterious magical sexual wizardry or knowledge. Point is, be wary of products boasting unverified Asian roots.
Keep that man-lube away from my girl stuff! - Personal lubricants got their start in clinical settings, often involved in vaginal exams. They went from there as handy solutions for vaginal dryness, and to enhance or ease penile or toy penetration, ALL female experiences. Reminder as you read further, females possess vaginas (yes, earth shattering). Now a number of female only branded personal lubricant bottles are hitting the shelves. Wait a minute?!? All these years later are lubricant makers just realizing their products are finding their way into vaginas? This widespread ignorance doesn't really make sense. In all seriousness, these are not formulas that have stripped out harmful or irritating ingredients to simply improve their original product, but swapping out labels from an already existing, and basically harmless product with one that says "For Her". We have compared several of these products to their original counterpart from the same manufacturer and found the ingredients to be...yes... the same!
Where are the horny pills? - We're going to reveal a huge secret here. Ready? Here is the surefire thing that will make you horny: YOU! That's it. No pill, no cream, no drink, nothing else. Desire is a function of the brain. We are all unique in what drives us sexually, and we all respond differently to individual stimulus (or even the same in different circumstances). Beware of ANY product claiming to affect your desire levels. Often all they impact, if anything at all, are physical sensations... often merely topical. How we respond to those sensation is up to us. There is nothing out there that will make us horny when we are not. The creator of such a quick fix would be insanely wealthy by now, and the focus of a media storm. If there were even such a pill, would we really want to all be jumping into bed driven by false feelings of desire? In most cases, diminished libido can be blamed on other physical or mental problems, medication side effects, and/or deeper relationship issues than simply "losing that spark".
Pain in the a#$ - Anal sex! A sex act with a taboo history and an increasingly popular future. A sex act with a heap of bad information, myth, and confusion surrounding it, perhaps more than any other act. We wrote about it in a previous blog entry, and will say it again for good measure.... anal sex/play should not be painful. Pain is a warning signal from the body to stop something, and shouldn't any sex act be pleasurable? Anal sex done right should be fun for the willing participants, and it can be. Forget numbing desensitizers as they may simply block signals that damage is being done. Beyond safe, sane, and consensual, rarely does any sex act have rules. Anal sex may be the exception. The three critical rules for anal sex/play are: LOTS of lube, relaxation, and patience. Notice the list didn't include numbing agent.
For best results, pound away - The biggest disservice that porn, Hollywood sex scenes, and the schoolyard have done for our sexuality is to teach us that fireworks and orgasms ensue for both partners if the penis owning half simply inserts it into the orifice owner and thrusts away for the requisite time period. It has left countless people in serious sexual confidence issues and questioning if their bodies perform properly. They then turn to adult stores (or medical industry) to solve these supposed woes. Men seek out implements, pills, creams, or sprays to stave off "quick" climax, and women search for opposite. We advise: Stop, slow down, do other sex acts, introduce toys, introduce fantasies, and so on... but, most importantly, communicate. Find out what makes each other tick sexually, and what they want out of their sexual activities. You will often find it moves beyond strictly pounding away, and with so MUCH better results.
I saw it in a porn - So, that must mean it's gospel when it comes to how the best sex is to be had, right? Not at all. Related to the "best results" note above, porn's biggest disservice is unintentionally becoming a guidebook to sex (and bodies, but that is another issue entirely...see: huge penis, boobs, etc). These are performers, actors, giving us a visual sexual treat intended to excite and inspire. Like Hollywood, there are all kinds of movie magic going on that we don't see ranging from lighting, makeup, film breaks, editing, directing, and physical prep. Porn gives us engineered, dramatized views of sex. To name a few... adult films give us faked orgasms and excitement, toys used incorrectly, no visual lube use, and the sex acts a set formula regardless of the people and scenario. At the end of the day, enjoy porn for what it is, visual erotica to stimulate the eye and mind. However, think twice about picking up a "How to" video from a porn star and get advice from more practical and safe sources.
