A recent article briefly discussing the re-submission of the drug Flibanserin to the FDA sparked this blog entry. Why? Because this drug is being submitted as "a once-daily treatment for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) in premenopausal women". Put into more common terms, it is meant to put the horny back in the non-horny woman. It is likely that such a drug will make its way into the news again, and may even pass FDA approval, so we are taking this opportunity to make two points about the race to create the ultimate passion pill for women.
First, we have repeatedly heard many female sex drive booster medications referred to in the press as the "female Viagra", and Flibanserin is no exception. The two drugs may address sexually related mechanisms, but from two different ends of the sexual being. Viagra was created to treat men with erectile dysfunction, the inability to attain an erection as result of one or more chronic physical conditions. While usually the result of desire, a hard penis by itself doesn't necessarily indicate desire. Simply put, Viagra is not there to make a man frisky. It's there to help with the physical hydraulics that go into making an erect penis, ready for use when the man desires it so.
Last we checked women aren't looking for erections (penis sized ones that is, clits do get hard as well). In fact, one of our most commonly asked questions by customers in the store goes something like this: "What do you have to make someone excited?" Almost always the someone in question is a woman. As it stands today, no legal substance exists that will increase desire. We see countless ads from companies claiming their gel, cream, oil, pill, or drink will increase desire, but they are speaking in half-truths. This is because the brain is the sole purveyor of passion. If a gel makes your clitoris tingle, it's up to the brain to decide what to do with those physical sensations. To make this subtle point clearer, smearing a gel on a random non-horny woman will not suddenly turn her into a sex craving lust machine.
This leads to our second point, which is be wary of medicating for desire related issues. We are not denying the existence of a physical and/or mental injury or illness that negatively changes a person's sex drive. We DO acknowledge that desire doesn't happen in a vacuum and before it can make it to the bedroom it must first be filtered through our own complicated personal world. Relationship troubles, stress, fatigue, schedules, social pressures, and more all bear down on our sex lives, affecting very real change.
Agreed, it sure sounds fantastic to simply gulp down a pill after a hard day at work, little sleep, and unresolved relationship tension so you can try to want that sex you think you should be having. The hard question is, do we really want a medication just glossing over everything and making us feel something we don't actually feel? The same challenges and problems will be waiting for us in the morning, unaffected and ready to bite at us again.
The pharmaceutical company that currently owns Flibanserin even states on its website, "The cause of HSDD is believed to involve a multitude of social, psychological and biological factors and may be attributed to a complex interplay of these factors." And, "HSDD is defined as a persistent or recurrent deficiency or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity that causes marked distress or interpersonal difficulty, and which is not better accounted for by a medical, substance-related, psychiatric (e.g., depression) or other sexual condition" (Sproutpharma.com, News).
In our opinion, this reads like a pretty way of saying "sexual issues are complicated and hard to figure out." That leads to the very likely conclusion that complicated personal and relationship issues aren't easily or well solved by drug intervention. That sounds eerily like every drug addict's life story in a nutshell. Would gobbling down loads of horny pills lead to dangerous addictions or side-effects? That is the FDA's and time's job to tell.
The primary take away we see from discussing the need for a libido increasing medication is that our sex lives are part of our everyday lives and can be just as tricky to figure out. The best possible recommendation, and the first stop on the road to a happy, healthy sex life, is large amounts of frequent, open communication with yourself, your partner, and maybe a helpful (or certified) third-party. Make your sex life a priority and and work on relieving the pressures that impact it. You might find that these very issues are the same ones causing problems in other aspects of your world.
Sprout Pharmaceuticals Receives Clear Guidance from FDA on Path Forward to Resubmit New Drug Application for Flibanserin, the First Potential Medical Treatment for Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in Premenopausal Women. (February 11, 2014). Sproutpharma.com. Retrieved February 22, 2014, from http://sproutpharma.com/sprout-pharmaceuticals-receives-clear-guidance-from-fda-on-path-forward-to-resubmit-new-drug-application-for-flibanserin-the-first-potential-medical-treatment-for-hypoactive-sexual-desire-disorder-in/
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Admittedly, this entry isn't about a semi-erotic movie of the same name from 1989. It does deal with misinformation, false stereotypes, and outright fabrications that circulate around our industry. Some are simply urban legends and peer-to-peer myths spread by unknowing participants while swapping dirty jokes or innuendo, appearing smart or worldly at a party, or maliciously attacking another person. Sadly, many others come from right within the adult industry who, despite its moving toward the open light of mainstream consciousness, use our sexual insecurities and ignorance to sell a few more products. We're here today to help break some of the myths, correct the misinformation, and straighten out the crooked truths about some select topics we have encountered over the years. In no order of importance, or severity, here is a random selection of choice bits:
Does your vagina have that first time feeling? - While a woman's body does indeed undergo changes as it ages or has children, literal tightness of the vaginal canal (excluding some unique circumstances or pre-sexual maturity) is not one of them. The two areas that have significant impact on vaginal penetrative sensations are lubrication and pelvic region muscle tone. A dry vagina can mean painful intercourse, and poor muscle tone reduces sexual response. Both are easily remedied with lubricant and Kegel exercises. Vaginal "tightness" is a fallacy with no connection to pleasurable intercourse (for the woman OR the man). Tightening products (usually creams/lotions) ... they claim to temporarily "tighten" vaginal tissues to get that "first time" feeling back. They attempt to do that by using an astringent which constricts mucous membranes, so the result will be topical, short lived, AND dryness inducing. Lastly, few (if any) women we talk to actually enjoyed their first penetrative sex, and are not clamoring to get that experience back.
It's all about the giant penis! - We've said it before, we've blogged about it, we have told countless customers, and we will say it again.... penis size is not important! There are preferences and there are extreme cases, but a very large percent of women we know and have spoken to wholly support this. Repeat after us, "A huge penis does not a better lover make!" Period. End of argument. Forget about penis size and channel that energy into activities with real results, like oral sex or foreplay, or really communicating about makes each other get off.
The ancient art of Nuru massage - This is a recent activity and product pairing that is being foisted onto the adult market. For those of you wondering, Nuru massage is the act of the "masseuse" lubing up their entire naked body with "special" lube and proceeding to rub it all over their grateful massage recipient. Fun? Yes. Erotic. Probably. Ancient art? Umm, no. Get one at your local spa? Not going to happen. The word IS Japanese, but from what we can find only means "slippery". Massage is slippery? Who knew?!? Not surprisingly, we can't find any historical references or contemporary official descriptions. What we DO know is that our industry does like using Asian cultural references to give products more exotic sales appeal (Step 1: Make product, Step 2: Add "Chinese" to name). We also know that while populated with amazing people and cultures, Southeast Asian countries do not possess any mysterious magical sexual wizardry or knowledge. Point is, be wary of products boasting unverified Asian roots.
Keep that man-lube away from my girl stuff! - Personal lubricants got their start in clinical settings, often involved in vaginal exams. They went from there as handy solutions for vaginal dryness, and to enhance or ease penile or toy penetration, ALL female experiences. Reminder as you read further, females possess vaginas (yes, earth shattering). Now a number of female only branded personal lubricant bottles are hitting the shelves. Wait a minute?!? All these years later are lubricant makers just realizing their products are finding their way into vaginas? This widespread ignorance doesn't really make sense. In all seriousness, these are not formulas that have stripped out harmful or irritating ingredients to simply improve their original product, but swapping out labels from an already existing, and basically harmless product with one that says "For Her". We have compared several of these products to their original counterpart from the same manufacturer and found the ingredients to be...yes... the same!
Where are the horny pills? - We're going to reveal a huge secret here. Ready? Here is the surefire thing that will make you horny: YOU! That's it. No pill, no cream, no drink, nothing else. Desire is a function of the brain. We are all unique in what drives us sexually, and we all respond differently to individual stimulus (or even the same in different circumstances). Beware of ANY product claiming to affect your desire levels. Often all they impact, if anything at all, are physical sensations... often merely topical. How we respond to those sensation is up to us. There is nothing out there that will make us horny when we are not. The creator of such a quick fix would be insanely wealthy by now, and the focus of a media storm. If there were even such a pill, would we really want to all be jumping into bed driven by false feelings of desire? In most cases, diminished libido can be blamed on other physical or mental problems, medication side effects, and/or deeper relationship issues than simply "losing that spark".
Pain in the a#$ - Anal sex! A sex act with a taboo history and an increasingly popular future. A sex act with a heap of bad information, myth, and confusion surrounding it, perhaps more than any other act. We wrote about it in a previous blog entry, and will say it again for good measure.... anal sex/play should not be painful. Pain is a warning signal from the body to stop something, and shouldn't any sex act be pleasurable? Anal sex done right should be fun for the willing participants, and it can be. Forget numbing desensitizers as they may simply block signals that damage is being done. Beyond safe, sane, and consensual, rarely does any sex act have rules. Anal sex may be the exception. The three critical rules for anal sex/play are: LOTS of lube, relaxation, and patience. Notice the list didn't include numbing agent.
For best results, pound away - The biggest disservice that porn, Hollywood sex scenes, and the schoolyard have done for our sexuality is to teach us that fireworks and orgasms ensue for both partners if the penis owning half simply inserts it into the orifice owner and thrusts away for the requisite time period. It has left countless people in serious sexual confidence issues and questioning if their bodies perform properly. They then turn to adult stores (or medical industry) to solve these supposed woes. Men seek out implements, pills, creams, or sprays to stave off "quick" climax, and women search for opposite. We advise: Stop, slow down, do other sex acts, introduce toys, introduce fantasies, and so on... but, most importantly, communicate. Find out what makes each other tick sexually, and what they want out of their sexual activities. You will often find it moves beyond strictly pounding away, and with so MUCH better results.
I saw it in a porn - So, that must mean it's gospel when it comes to how the best sex is to be had, right? Not at all. Related to the "best results" note above, porn's biggest disservice is unintentionally becoming a guidebook to sex (and bodies, but that is another issue entirely...see: huge penis, boobs, etc). These are performers, actors, giving us a visual sexual treat intended to excite and inspire. Like Hollywood, there are all kinds of movie magic going on that we don't see ranging from lighting, makeup, film breaks, editing, directing, and physical prep. Porn gives us engineered, dramatized views of sex. To name a few... adult films give us faked orgasms and excitement, toys used incorrectly, no visual lube use, and the sex acts a set formula regardless of the people and scenario. At the end of the day, enjoy porn for what it is, visual erotica to stimulate the eye and mind. However, think twice about picking up a "How to" video from a porn star and get advice from more practical and safe sources.
Does your vagina have that first time feeling? - While a woman's body does indeed undergo changes as it ages or has children, literal tightness of the vaginal canal (excluding some unique circumstances or pre-sexual maturity) is not one of them. The two areas that have significant impact on vaginal penetrative sensations are lubrication and pelvic region muscle tone. A dry vagina can mean painful intercourse, and poor muscle tone reduces sexual response. Both are easily remedied with lubricant and Kegel exercises. Vaginal "tightness" is a fallacy with no connection to pleasurable intercourse (for the woman OR the man). Tightening products (usually creams/lotions) ... they claim to temporarily "tighten" vaginal tissues to get that "first time" feeling back. They attempt to do that by using an astringent which constricts mucous membranes, so the result will be topical, short lived, AND dryness inducing. Lastly, few (if any) women we talk to actually enjoyed their first penetrative sex, and are not clamoring to get that experience back.
It's all about the giant penis! - We've said it before, we've blogged about it, we have told countless customers, and we will say it again.... penis size is not important! There are preferences and there are extreme cases, but a very large percent of women we know and have spoken to wholly support this. Repeat after us, "A huge penis does not a better lover make!" Period. End of argument. Forget about penis size and channel that energy into activities with real results, like oral sex or foreplay, or really communicating about makes each other get off.
The ancient art of Nuru massage - This is a recent activity and product pairing that is being foisted onto the adult market. For those of you wondering, Nuru massage is the act of the "masseuse" lubing up their entire naked body with "special" lube and proceeding to rub it all over their grateful massage recipient. Fun? Yes. Erotic. Probably. Ancient art? Umm, no. Get one at your local spa? Not going to happen. The word IS Japanese, but from what we can find only means "slippery". Massage is slippery? Who knew?!? Not surprisingly, we can't find any historical references or contemporary official descriptions. What we DO know is that our industry does like using Asian cultural references to give products more exotic sales appeal (Step 1: Make product, Step 2: Add "Chinese" to name). We also know that while populated with amazing people and cultures, Southeast Asian countries do not possess any mysterious magical sexual wizardry or knowledge. Point is, be wary of products boasting unverified Asian roots.
Keep that man-lube away from my girl stuff! - Personal lubricants got their start in clinical settings, often involved in vaginal exams. They went from there as handy solutions for vaginal dryness, and to enhance or ease penile or toy penetration, ALL female experiences. Reminder as you read further, females possess vaginas (yes, earth shattering). Now a number of female only branded personal lubricant bottles are hitting the shelves. Wait a minute?!? All these years later are lubricant makers just realizing their products are finding their way into vaginas? This widespread ignorance doesn't really make sense. In all seriousness, these are not formulas that have stripped out harmful or irritating ingredients to simply improve their original product, but swapping out labels from an already existing, and basically harmless product with one that says "For Her". We have compared several of these products to their original counterpart from the same manufacturer and found the ingredients to be...yes... the same!
Where are the horny pills? - We're going to reveal a huge secret here. Ready? Here is the surefire thing that will make you horny: YOU! That's it. No pill, no cream, no drink, nothing else. Desire is a function of the brain. We are all unique in what drives us sexually, and we all respond differently to individual stimulus (or even the same in different circumstances). Beware of ANY product claiming to affect your desire levels. Often all they impact, if anything at all, are physical sensations... often merely topical. How we respond to those sensation is up to us. There is nothing out there that will make us horny when we are not. The creator of such a quick fix would be insanely wealthy by now, and the focus of a media storm. If there were even such a pill, would we really want to all be jumping into bed driven by false feelings of desire? In most cases, diminished libido can be blamed on other physical or mental problems, medication side effects, and/or deeper relationship issues than simply "losing that spark".
Pain in the a#$ - Anal sex! A sex act with a taboo history and an increasingly popular future. A sex act with a heap of bad information, myth, and confusion surrounding it, perhaps more than any other act. We wrote about it in a previous blog entry, and will say it again for good measure.... anal sex/play should not be painful. Pain is a warning signal from the body to stop something, and shouldn't any sex act be pleasurable? Anal sex done right should be fun for the willing participants, and it can be. Forget numbing desensitizers as they may simply block signals that damage is being done. Beyond safe, sane, and consensual, rarely does any sex act have rules. Anal sex may be the exception. The three critical rules for anal sex/play are: LOTS of lube, relaxation, and patience. Notice the list didn't include numbing agent.
For best results, pound away - The biggest disservice that porn, Hollywood sex scenes, and the schoolyard have done for our sexuality is to teach us that fireworks and orgasms ensue for both partners if the penis owning half simply inserts it into the orifice owner and thrusts away for the requisite time period. It has left countless people in serious sexual confidence issues and questioning if their bodies perform properly. They then turn to adult stores (or medical industry) to solve these supposed woes. Men seek out implements, pills, creams, or sprays to stave off "quick" climax, and women search for opposite. We advise: Stop, slow down, do other sex acts, introduce toys, introduce fantasies, and so on... but, most importantly, communicate. Find out what makes each other tick sexually, and what they want out of their sexual activities. You will often find it moves beyond strictly pounding away, and with so MUCH better results.
I saw it in a porn - So, that must mean it's gospel when it comes to how the best sex is to be had, right? Not at all. Related to the "best results" note above, porn's biggest disservice is unintentionally becoming a guidebook to sex (and bodies, but that is another issue entirely...see: huge penis, boobs, etc). These are performers, actors, giving us a visual sexual treat intended to excite and inspire. Like Hollywood, there are all kinds of movie magic going on that we don't see ranging from lighting, makeup, film breaks, editing, directing, and physical prep. Porn gives us engineered, dramatized views of sex. To name a few... adult films give us faked orgasms and excitement, toys used incorrectly, no visual lube use, and the sex acts a set formula regardless of the people and scenario. At the end of the day, enjoy porn for what it is, visual erotica to stimulate the eye and mind. However, think twice about picking up a "How to" video from a porn star and get advice from more practical and safe sources.
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