Last entry we talked about gentlemen lasting longer and what we share with our interested customers. That represented half of the conversation. The other half is a bit more complicated and requires a closer look at how and what we are taught about sex from day one onward. A better way of putting it might be what we are NOT taught about sex. Here is a deeper look at how American sex education has affected "lasting longer".
Many of us from childhood onward have been taught that the man puts his penis in a woman's vagina, thrusts, and ... well... something happens. What that something is depends on your source, but it is supposed to pretty dang amazing. That's sex right!? In, out, and "Kaboom!", explosive orgasms for all! To our credit, our sources of information are not exactly ideal. School sex education most often describes the bare mechanics of reproduction, penis in vagina = ejaculation with a side of pregnancy or dash of disease. Hollywood taught us with their idealistic, dramatic scenes, our friends their well-intentioned ignorance, and porn their Energizer Bunny men pistoning away for what seems like hours while the woman screams in endless pleasure.
So here we are, given keys to a car without any driver's education (or poor/inaccurate) and no experience. Small wonder couples get together and find they are fumbling about in giving and receiving pleasure. The poor man thinks his tackle and tackle alone is the key to macho Don Juan greatness, a tireless (and large) jackhammer delivering the woman to orgasmic bliss. The poor woman thinks her vagina is the matching lock to the man's key, simply insert and the door to bliss should open every time on well oiled hinges. Like a car, there is so much more to sex than stomping on the gas and hoping for the best. Giving and receiving pleasure, and orgasms, is getting to know all the dials, signs, and styles of these fantastic vehicles we've been given.
It is the rare couple,
without some degree of active coordination, that reaches orgasm at the
same time. Generally speaking, this is especially true with
heterosexual couples (often the focus of the lasting longer issue). Men and women are simply not built the same and truly recognizing that is half the battle. A significant majority of women require some degree of direct clitoral stimulation (rubbing, vibrating, massaging, etc.) to reach orgasm. Last we checked, a man's penis does not come equipped with a clitoral stimulation protrusion. That's not to say many a woman has enjoyed an orgasm, or many, through penetration alone. We're pointing out that it is common, healthy, and normal for a woman to not.
Our physical construction hasn't doomed couples from achieving mutually pleasurable sex, it has simply created an interaction more complicated than simple in-and-out penetration. It begins with understanding how each of our bodies function, what it takes to climax, and to not climax. It requires communication and willingness to try varying activities to give and receive pleasure. Really, this is an opportunity to enjoy our sex lives through variety and experimentation. Guide your sexual experiences. Don't be afraid to go into sex by establishing if it's going to be an explosive quickie or a slow burn that means orgasms for both partners. Also, don't be afraid to communicate your desires through words or touch during sex, a simple "slower", "faster", "right now!" or "grab that vibrator" does wonders.
Please believe us when we say to not expect spectacular synchronized orgasms from standard, non-coordinated, penetrative intercourse. Men, you are not lousy performers. Women, you are not broken or "in-orgasmic". You are most likely two normal people needing to vary and coordinate your sexual activities. Come together and stand and speak up for your sex life. Explore different ways to stimulate one another, different positions/accessories/scenarios, and set expectations.... and by all means enjoy the ride! (pun intended)
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